


honeysuckle sprouts

by yananvation



Series: weeping willows (hyunin reincarnation au) [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys In Love, Boys in Skirts, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, IK THESE ARE HEAVY TAGS THIS FIC IS SAD BUT ENDS HAPPY, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Late Night Conversations, M/M, Major Illness, Sad with a Happy Ending, Suicide, Wishes, Yang Jeongin | I.N-centric, also basically they’re ‘reborn’ in different realities but not in different times, also ik the summary is weird it’s how his flashbacks/dreams r formatted cause Stylistic Choice, also jilix is minor but they’re cute, dont mind the major chara death it’s cause of this tag, jeongin has flashbacks a lot, jeongin isn’t rly unreliable but he doesn’t remember everything at first, like when they die it restarts but throws them in a new timeline, so it’s always modern times, the ending is cute and fun methinks, this fic isn’t tht sad till near the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:42:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25905280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yananvation/pseuds/yananvation
Summary: Make a wish, Jeongie.Teardrops glisten in the moonlight. Storms overhead. Clouds looming. Lightning cracks across the skyline. They flinch.I wish to be with you forever.alternatively, the heavily requested sequel to black eyed susan’s where reincarnated soulmates hyunjin and jeongin still cannot catch a break.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Lee Felix, Hwang Hyunjin & Yang Jeongin | I.N, Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Series: weeping willows (hyunin reincarnation au) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1879957
Comments: 20
Kudos: 75





	honeysuckle sprouts

Warm skin. Plush lips. Bruised knees and scraped palms. Tender embraces. Charcoal dipped tresses drift into their eyes. Pink tints to their cheeks. An angel’s kiss below their left eye.

Flower petals on the street. Shy laughter hidden behind tall grass. Dandelion sprigs carried by the spring breeze.

_Make a wish, Jeongie._

Teardrops glisten in the moonlight. Storms overhead. Clouds looming. Lightning cracks across the skyline. They flinch.

_I wish to be with you forever._

Lightning strikes the tree on the hill two times. Burnt bark. Singed leaves. Decaying fruit surround the roots. Smoke billows from the branches. Something malevolent wafts into the air.

Jeongin woke in a cold sweat, sticky and soaked. He felt warm droplets slip down his cheeks. He raised a hand to touch them, trembling fingers following their path. He was crying. But solemnly he wondered, was he crying for what he lost? Or for what he was about to lose?

He slowly rose from his bed, chin angled upwards. His eyes flittered closed once again. How long would this bout last? He questioned this rather often now. Nightmares plagued him nearly every night, infecting the far corners and crevices, the serene meadows of his fickle mind. He first thought he simply had an imaginative subconscious, like his therapist suggested. But these frights... They’ve started to become too real.

He sees them in every one, whether nightmare or whimsical dream. The dark hair obscures their eyes, tickling the bridge of their nose. The beauty mark spotted beautifully just above their cheek. He could never make out much else, the rest a cacophony of colors and blurs. Sometimes, though, he caught glimpses of their lips. On occasion, they were kiss bruised, cherry red with a thin sheen of saliva coating the skin. They would always smile at him. On others, they were chapped. Dry and cracked, curled in a sneer or pursed in distaste. He wondered, was he the reason for that? The bared teeth, the menacing frowns... Was it Jeongin who did that? Something would tug in his chest when he thought about it, something deeply woven in the intricate fabric of his being. He worried if he pulled hard enough his organs would spill out, but would the truth come tumbling along with it? And how desperate was he to be willing to do so?

Jeongin never liked to ponder this deeply. It made him miss them, whoever they were. He knew they existed, and he knew he would meet them again in this universe. But how would the gods take them away this time? That was always the question for him now, he could sense the time was near. He would see them again soon, and sooner after that they would be separated again. Would it be worth while? Well, of course. But would it be long enough for him to revel in it? To tell them he remembered, after so long of being shrouded in the dark?

He became aware of the fact this is the first time he’s recalled his previous realities when he couldn’t _remember_ remembering. Everything in his memories, it was like flipping through the pages of a picture book you haven’t read in decades. Reading it like your eyes have never set on its pages, foreign yet familiar. Almost like reading your favorite book but it’s written by an entirely different author. He had an inkling his soulmate —that’s what he’s taken to calling them— has had these memories through many realities. That Jeongin was the one late to the party. He saw it in the way they treated him in his past, the repetition of their words and actions. The kindling of hope in the smear of their features. He wanted to gift them this knowledge, the awareness that Jeongin’s knew them. He remembered them. And he prayed, oh, he prayed, he would continue to remember.

“Jeongin, it’s time to go,” Felix called, rapping softly on his bedroom door. “Your therapist will be mad if you’re late again.”

Jeongin’s eyes slowly pottered to the door, almost debating on whether or not to pretend it was really time to face the music.

He didn’t much like his therapist. It was nothing against her, truly, but he couldn’t divulge the truth of his circumstances without her tutting and coming up with a lame excuse for it. Logically, her stance made sense. Any sane person would agree, and if Jeongin wasn’t the one experiencing such memories, he would be part of the drabble that did as well. However, he wasn’t. So, he was stuck to hide his truth. For now, at the very least.

“I’m coming, don’t worry.” Jeongin slid out from under the warmth of his covers, bunching them up at the foot of his bed. He stood on the cold hardwood, wiggling his toes against the chilly surface.

He was not looking forward to this session.

* * *

“I’m proud of you, Jeongin. You’ve really exceeded my expectations, as you usually do.”

Was it really so difficult to believe he made a friend? That he completed the task she had given him? He supposed it could be, perhaps when he was younger. But now? Had she no faith in her own therapy?

Okay, maybe Jeongin was irked for other reasons and was unjustly taking it out on his sweet therapist. She was nothing but encouraging to his new budding friendship. Even applauding him for asking the boy he met to text him when he got home safe, saying not many would ask the same to someone they just met. He didn’t know if she was patronizing him or being truthful; he really hated that about therapists.

What he was really mad at was the fact his roommate was kicking him out of their apartment for the night so he could have a date at home with his boyfriend. Don’t get him wrong, he understood needing privacy, but couldn’t they go to Jisung’s apartment? His roommate was never around! Ugh, they were such a pain sometimes.

Maybe though, he could use this to his advantage.

* * *

“Hyunjin! I can’t believe you actually agreed to this, oh my god.” Jeongin laughed abashedly, scratching around the base of his neck as he approached the crouched figure belonging to Hyunjin. “You really didn’t have to, yknow!”

Hyunjin perked up at the sound of his footfalls, the gravel creating crinkly sounds that his apparently fine tuned hearing could pick up from yards away. “I wanted to. I was bored, anyways.”

Jeongin grinned, infectious as it spread to Hyunjin as well. “You’re the best, seriously.” He peeked at the familiar crumpled heap of fabric in his arms. “My hoodie?” He guessed.

Hyunjin flushed, nodding a tad too eagerly as he thrusted it out towards him. His hair, blonde and smooth as honey suckle buds, bobbed with his head. It fell into his eyes, dusting the tip of his nose.

Jeongin felt a hard lump form in his throat, a heavy, depressing thing sinking down his esophagus. It slinked, slimy and grotesque as it moved through him. He swallowed it, shoving the nausea aside.

This, too, happened regularly. Some things, some events, they trigger certain... Responses, in his mind and body. He’ll see a flower blooming, morning dew bejeweling its petals, and cry. Tears, freely flowing, but no discernible reason. Sometimes, during storms, he becomes ill. Not violently so, but... He cannot move. Cannot think or breathe without feeling anguish. Agony, in all forms and shapes. Why, he asked himself. Why is this happening to me?

“Jeongie? Hey, you alright?” Hyunjin’s brows furrowed, neatly plucked and elegantly poised in the center of his forehead. “Jeongin?”

Jeongin shook himself from his stupor, granting him a smile as he snatched the hoodie from his outstretched hands. “I’m fine! Just spaced out for a sec. Thanks for returning my jacket,” He paused, a whiff of something... Citrus, entering his nostrils. It was radiating from his hoodie, the scent seeped into the threads. “Did you wash this?”

Hyunjin sputtered, almost reaching out to take it back, before halting suddenly as he thought better of it. “No, oh, fuck, I’m sorry. I should have washed it earlier today, I’m sorry-“

“Hey, Hyunjinnie, don’t worry,” He placated, placing a hand on his upper arm. He gave it a reassuring squeeze. “I asked because it smells so much like you now. I thought you washed it cause it, like, smells like you bathed it in citrusy fruits and shit like that.”

“Oh,” He said softly, “Uhm, I may have worn it to bed?” Hyunjin’s cheeks tinted, subtle pinks and red tipped ears. “It felt.. Nice, I guess. Comfy. So, I forgot to take it off.”

Jeongin felt himself mimic Hyunjin, his own face heating at his explanation. “I see... Well, if you, ah- Ever wanna feel comfy, I can lend you this again? Just ask me.” He cringed at his word choice.

‘ _If you wanna feel comfy_ ’, What the fuck are you? A dumbass?

Hyunjin giggled, bashful as he hid the sounds behind his palm. “You sound so awkward, jeez.”

Jeongin puffed out his cheeks, setting his lips in a firm pout. “It’s not my fault you make me nervous!”

“I make you nervous?” Hyunjin parroted, eyes wide and chin dropped to the concrete. “How?”

Jeongin shrugged, averting his gaze to the ground. He toed at Hyunjin’s sneakers with his own, gently pushing on his feet. “Just do.”

Hyunjin hummed, joining Jeongin in his little game of anxious footsies. “If it makes you feel better, you make me awfully nervous too. But the reasons why are confidential!” He declared, giving Jeongin’s left foot a playful stomp. It felt like dropping a cotton ball on your big toe.

Jeongin laughed, boisterous as he striked at Hyunjin’s right foot in retaliation. “I bet it’s cause I fuck at footies, huh?”

Hyunjin cackled, nearly toppling over as he braced himself on his knees. “Did you just say you fuck at footsies? Bro, c’mon!”

Jeongin immediately took his shot and swung his foot at Hyunjin’s weak one. It sent Hyunjin back, but Jeongin gripped his arm tight so he didn’t collide with the blacktop. “Like I said, I fuck at footsies.”

Hyunjin huffed, darting his tongue out to make a face at Jeongin. He then plopped to the ground once his arm was released from Jeongin’s hold. “You’re a meanie, Jeongie. So, so mean!”

Jeongin hummed in faux sympathy, “Awe, I’m sorry, Hyunjinnie. What can big bad Jeongie do to make you feel better?” He squatted down to be eye level with him, a small smile on his lips as Hyunjin tittered.

“Mm, maybe a ride to IHop in your neat fancy car?”

“You wanna go to IHop? Of all places?” Jeongin guffawed, “And my car sucks, I got it for 7 grand.”

Hyunjin shrugged, popping off the ground with renewed fervor at the prospect of IHop pancakes at 10 pm. “It’s still a car! One of which, I do not own!”

Jeongin snorted, but went along with it. What was the worst that could happen?

* * *

So, the worst that could happen... Well.

“I’ll have the fruit palooza pancakes, please! With extra whipped cream, too.” Hyunjin happily sipped on his orange juice, giddily swinging his legs underneath the table. Sometimes they’d bump into the table itself, thumping and jostling the loose screws. Sometimes they’d kick at Jeongin’s own legs. He seemed... Content, though. In his own little world.

Jeongin thought for a moment, a mischievous curl of his lip as he dabbed some of the whipped cream from his hot chocolate onto his forefinger. He reached out when Hyunjin least expected it, launching his attack by booping the cream right on the very tip of his button nose. He squeaked in surprise, crossing his eyes to look at the glob of white on his nose.

Hyunjin pouted, bottom lip jut as far as it could go. “Jeongin, you’re so mean!” He stomped his feet childishly underneath the table.

Jeongin felt a twinge at the corner of his mouth, “You look cute, Hyunnie.”

Hyunjin coughed into the back of his hand, face reddening as he then wiped the whipped cream from his nose with a napkin. “Not... Not cute.”

Jeongin raised a brow, canting it in suspicion. “Not cute? Who’s not cute, hm?”

Hyunjin whined, anxiously worrying his hands together underneath the table top. “Me... ‘M not cute.”

Jeongin tilted his head to the side in mock thought, tapping his chin with his pointer finger. “Well, scientifically speaking, I think you’re very cute.”

Hyunjin crinkled his nose, “What proof is backing this preposterous scientific theory?”

“My opinion!” Jeongin states matter of factly. “I think you’re the cutest, Hyunjinnie, and you’re not allowed to say otherwise or I’ll be, like, uber pissed at you.”

Before Hyunjin could open his mouth to refute, their food had arrived. Jeongin had ordered a simple stack of chocolate chip pancakes served with extra crispy home fries. Hyunjin had his... Fruit vomit-esque thing. There was whole fruit pieceson it though, just... A lot of juices and jams too. It was certainly a palooza that they advertised and they very much well did deliver.

Then, Jeongin spotted it. A blueberry hidden in a foamy castle of whipped cream. Something didn’t feel right.

_Jeongie, baby, you know I’m allergic to blueberries. I can’t eat this._

As Hyunjin began to cut his first bite, he saw the explosion of color within the pancake itself. It was a blueberry pancake. Jeongin’s fingers suddenly found themselves on Hyunjin’s fork handle. Gently guiding it downwards from Hyunjin’s now bemused mouth.

“Hyunjin... Are you allergic to blueberries?” He cautiously asked.

Hyunjin gaped, eyes cast down to the plate before him. A wave of realization coated him. He dropped his fork with a clatter. “I- I am, yeah. Thank you.”

Jeongin then switched their plates, sliding Hyunjin his blueberry free short stack and him taking on Hyunjin’s... Fruit dolloped mistake. They did share the home fries though.

“Hey, just wondering, what happens when you... Eat a blueberry?” Jeongin asked, toying with a mushy banana slice on the end of his fork.

“I get hives and I look really... Scary,” He stalled, his tone teetering into something duller. “I won’t die or anything, but it fucks with me for other reasons.”

“Other reasons?” Jeongin prodded.

Hyunjin gave him a weak smile, “Tell you another time, yeah?”

Jeongin shook his head, pushing his plate away once he was finished fiddling with his scraps. “You don’t have to tell me ever, Hyunjinnie. I won’t force you to reveal your secrets, I’m not your therapist.”

Hyunjin shot him a quizzical look, “I... I’ll tell you later, because I think... I think, I trust you with it.”

Jeongin nodded, “Then I look forward to discovering your lore.”

He grinned as Hyunjin let out a chuckle. “And I, yours.”

* * *

“So, when do you think you can go back to your apartment?” Hyunjin asked as they drove around aimlessly. The radio was turned to a low volume, as Hyunjin looked rather jittery when it was too loud.

Jeongin had recalled Felix saying he could come back around 1 am. They just wanted time to joke around and have a movie night by themselves with the big tv Felix’s cousin gifted him, no inappropriate actions taking place... But Hyunjin didn’t need to know that.

“Not sure, still waiting on a text.” Jeongin pulled over in the convenience store parking lot. Swiftly putting the car in park and taking his keys out of the ignition. The lull of the engine cut off mid roar. “Shall we?” He gestured to the building.

Hyunjin beamed, “We shall!”

* * *

“You really like dippin dots, huh?” Jeongin remarked, staring in awe as Hyunjin barreled through his 3rd little bowl of the stuff. He had a half melted bead of flash frozen ice cream on his upper lip. “Here, Hyunnie, you have some ice cream on your lip.” He grabbed a napkin from their pile of goodies strewn across the sidewalk. He wrapped the napkin around the tip of his forefinger then lightly dabbed the smudged treat off his lip. “There! Messy, messy.”

Hyunjin’s breath stilted, shocked as he watched Jeongin toss the napkin aside.

“Jin, your fourth cup is gonna melt,” Jeongin reminded, gently bumping his shoulder against Hyunjin’s. He observed the darkening of Hyunjin’s cheeks from his peripheral.

Tonight is a good night, He suffices.

* * *

When Jeongin returned home, he tip toed past the sleeping couple in the living room. Careful, calculatedly silent footfalls. He snuck out enough to know which boards creaked and which would carry your journey without a peep. He skulked into his room, shutting the door as quietly as he could. He then let out a sigh, dropping his belongings on the floor by his feet and toddling over to his beautiful, lovely, welcoming bed. He sunk his face into it, squishing his nose flat against it and effectively smothering himself as he drank in the warmth of his abode. He then heard his phone ding distantly, muffled by the padding of his pocket. He groaned, flipping onto his back so he could fish out the device.

He bit back a grin at the text he received, exhaustion put on hold for a few more minutes.

_new message from: hyunjin_

hi jeongie !!!!!! i made it home safe. thank you for spending time with me, i really enjoyed it !!!!!

_sent to: hyunjin_

i’m glad ure home safe jin

_sent to: hyunjin_

sry for dragging u out so late again lol

_new message from: hyunjin_

don’t worry about it !!!!!

_new message from: hyunjin_

we can do it any time you want. i meant it when i said i like hanging with you !!!!!!!!

_new message from: hyunjin_

i’m gonna sleep now !!!! please rest soon or i’ll shove you down a flight of stairs

_sent to: hyunjin_

🥺🥺 but... my bonesies....

_sent to: hyunjin_

ure so rude. i hate u. disowned

_sent to: hyunjin_

sleep well, okay? ik u said u only dream when u have nightmares but sweet dreams anyways. i am manifesting it for u

_new message from: hyunjin_

i am manifesting the sweetest dreams for you too !!!!!!!!!! you can’t beat the ferocity of my optimism !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

_new message from: hyunjin_

goodnight jeongie

_sent to: hyunjin_

gn hyunjin

They didn’t meet up again for a few days after that. Their text conversations, however, never dwindled. Jeongin’s phone would ping and ding and ring every waking second Hyunjin was free. And Hyunjin’s would do the same when Jeongin wasn’t caught up at work or with his roommate. One night, two and a half weeks into their texting routine, something shifted.

**_incoming facetime call from: hyunjin_ **

Jeongin had never facetimed Hyunjin before, let alone at 4:37 in the morning. His thumb hovered over the accept button, knowing he didn’t have to worry about how he looked considering the darkness enveloping his room. On the final ring, Jeongin answered.

“Jeongie? J-Jeongin, please, tell me you’re there.” Hyunjin’s voice was panicked, desperate as it called out to him. “Please, let me see you’re there!” He begged.

“I-“ Jeongin cleared his throat, reaching blindly for his bedside lamp, “I’m here, I’m right here.” He flicked it on, squinting as the light poured into the room.

Hyunjin released a sigh from his chest, the breath coming in static bursts through the speaker. “I... I was so scared you were hurt,” He admitted softly.

Jeongin laid his head back on his pillow, positioning his phone so it was leant against the lump of blankets he fashioned as a brace. “What happened?”

“Nightmare,” He replied curtly, “Bad one.”

“Worse than your typical ones?”

Hyunjin never spoke of the contents of his nightmares, only alluding to the horrors and freak shows that may lurk in the catacombs of his psyche. It seemed heinous, whatever it was. Ungodly, to some.

“Much worse... I- I don’t want to be alone.”

Jeongin thought for a moment, weighing the possibilities of what he could do to aid Hyunjin. He could show up at his apartment, but that meant going and staying the rest of the night at someone he barely knows home. Of course, he trusted Hyunjin not to do anything, but the common sense part of his brain keenly reminded him of how people are not always who they seem. So, that idea was scrapped.

“Want to sleep with me on the line, Hyunnie?”

Hyunjin sniffled, silent for a beat, “Could you? I don’t... Don’t think I can sleep without someone here.”

Jeongin nodded, slightly jostling his phone and causing the angle to be skewed towards his chest. He didn’t care enough to fix it. “Just hang up when you wake up, yeah?”

Hyunjin muttered his agreement.

“Can I turn my light off? Or do you want to see me?”

Hyunjin was quiet, pondering this for a couple moments. “Just for a little longer?” He asked shyly. “I’m sorry, I just-“

“Baby, it’s alright. Just sleep, okay? I’m not going anywhere,” Jeongin promised.

Hyunjin’s breath hitched over the line, locking in his throat as he choked out a reply, “Don’t- Don’t say that,” He whimpered, a mass of shadows moving on the screen. Jeongin could make out the glint of tears, moist waterlines as they dripped from his ducts. Hyunjin came closer to the screen, almost pressing Jeongin to reach through the phone and quell his sorrows. “Please, Jeongie.”

“I-“

_Don’t leave me, Jeonginnie, not like this. Please, god, no! Not yet! Please!_

“I’m sorry, Hyunnie.”

* * *

Jeongin swallowed, eyes trilling over Hyunjin’s lithe silhouette from afar. He idly swung his hips in place, his frilly skirt wrapping around his thighs one way then repeating it on the other when he twisted once more. The skirt was flowy and maroon, prominent against his toned and tan skin. He looked sheepish, head turning to and fro amongst the judgmental glares and glimpses of strangers. His hair flew, free flowing strands carried by the wind. Hyunjin tucked it behind his ears as he scanned the crowd. Jeongin scowled as Hyunjin visibly reacted to them, a few ungrateful sneers thrown in his direction. It was dismaying, watching him slowly stop his spinning skirt. He hugged himself, taking unsure steps in one direction then stopping as he frantically searched for Jeongin. His eyes had begun to water.

The sight of this, the panic and the embarrassment, it saddened Jeongin. Pangs of distress, the need to protect, rang in his mind. Because Hyunjin looked so lovely, so ethereal in his outfit. It made butterflies swarm in his stomach and honey suckle buds bloom on his beating heart. Hyunjin deserved to express himself the way he pleased, free of this shrewdness.

“Hyunjin!” Jeongin called, taking wide strides over to him. Hyunjin’s shoulders immediately dropped, tension amiss as he met Jeongin half way. He looked petrified, but at least relieved to see Jeongin. “Have you been waiting long? I’m sorry-“

“Don’t apologize!” Hyunjin exclaimed, stomping his foot on the concrete. He jolted, startled eyes darting down to his legs when he felt his skirt move against his upper thigh. He seemed to have forgotten he was even wearing one in his urge to reach him. Hyunjin pursed his lips, “Can we... Go?” He asked quietly, “Somewhere, anywhere else?”

Jeongin nodded, “Yeah, cmon.” He held out his hand for Hyunjin to take, both boys apprehensive as they realized the implications. Jeongin cleared his throat after a beat, fingers twitching as they hung in mid air.

Hyunjin’s cheeks molted a shade of cherry as he grasped Jeongin’s fingers within his own. His hand was sweaty, clamming up as he clung tightly to his palm. He gave Jeongin a small smile, voice hushed as he spoke, “Thank you.”

* * *

“I shouldn’t have worn this,” Hyunjin whispered solemnly. The two were tucked away in the corner of a quaint diner Felix managed. He figured it was the safest place to take Hyunjin, as he knew Felix would order anyone unsavory to exit the premises. “Everyone keeps staring.”

“I think you look pretty, Jin.” Jeongin plucked a fry from Hyunjin’s plate and plopped it on his tongue. “Probably jealous they don’t look as gorgeous as you do.”

Hyunjin smiled, lopsided and bashful as he giggled into his palm. “Uhm... Th- Thank you. That means a lot, coming from you.”

“Ah, can I say something kinda weird?” Jeongin asked, avoiding Hyunjin’s gaze as he fumbled with the hemline of his hoodie. He waited for Hyunjin to nod, “I couldn’t take my eyes off you when I saw you earlier. You, uh, you just-“ He laughed awkwardly, worrying his lip between the pearly whites of his teeth. “I don’t know. I thought you just looked so... You.”

“What he means to say is: you looked fucking hot.” Felix strolled up to their little booth, sliding in beside Jeongin and haphazardly throwing an arm around his shoulders. “Like, seriously! You look super nice.”

Hyunjin’s previous smile faltered, corners of his lips dipping unconsciously. He thanked Felix, clearly uncomfortable with the unwarranted affection.

“This is my roommate! His name is Felix, I’ve mentioned him before,” Jeongin scrambled to explain, giving Felix’s hand a pat to signal him to release his hold. Felix set his lips in a pout, but retracted his arm nonetheless.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Hyunjin,” He introduced with a slight waver to his tone. Hyunjin was huddled against the back of the booth as he stared at the other two across from him.

Felix beamed at him, a mischievous glint in his eye. “Ah~ You’re Hyunjin? The one Jeongin sneaks out to see at night?”

Jeongin pinched the fleshy part of Felix’s thigh, “I don’t sneak anywhere, he’s just nosy.”

“Well, I wouldn’t be nosy if you just told me more about the guy you’re-“ He gave Jeongin a pointed glare, “ _sneaking out_ for!”

Hyunjin coughed, clearing his throat loudly to remind them of his presence. “Uhm-“

“Oh!” Felix promptly cut him off, earning a sharp thwack to his arm from Jeongin. “Ow! Let me talk! What if Hyunjin came over for dinner? I can pester Jisung to come too! And you can show Hyunjin your skirts! Skirt dinner party!” He excitedly rambled on before aiming his sights on Hyunjin. “What do you say, Hyunjin? Come over?”

Jeongin groaned, exasperated as Felix practically vibrated in his seat. “Can’t you leave it be, Lix?”

“I’d love to!” Hyunjin beamed, his mood shifting rapidly at the mention of Jeongin dressing up. Jeongin cringed internally. “I really wanna see Jeongie in a skirt!”

Jeongin choked on his own saliva, Felix quickly batting at his back to help him regain his breath. “Th- That-“ He sputtered, face burning from the effort to breathe as well as his embarrassingly reddening cheeks. “That’s why you wanna come over? To see me in a skirt? You could just ask, stupid!”

Hyunjin tilted his head curiously, innocent wide eyes and all. “Will you wear a skirt for me?”

Jeongin squeaked, obscuring his face from view by burying it in the sleeves of his hoodie. He swatted at Felix with one floppy sweater paw as the latter prodded teasingly at his ribs.

“Awe, baby Jeongin is so shy! I bet he’s already planning his outfit in that pretty head of his!” Felix giggled as he poked the shell of Jeongin’s pink tinted ear.

“When will god smite you,” Jeongin deadpanned, muffled from thick fabric. “Don’t you have a diner to manage?”

_“Oh, shit!”_

* * *

“I feel like my skirt is too short...” Hyunjin readjusted the garment yet again, nervous fingers tugging at the edges to bring it down lower on his thighs. It bobbed right back up to its original position only mere seconds later.

Jeongin snorted, then shrugged off his hoodie. ”Hold still for me,” He requested, lips upturning in a satisfied grin as Hyunjin obliged without question. Jeongin tied his hoodie around Hyunjin’s waist, making sure it rested snugly on his hips. He shifted it in a few places, making sure it covered Hyunjin’s ass and upper thighs. He took a step back once he completed it. “All good now?”

Hyunjin nodded, mimicking Jeongin’s earlier smile. He gleefully twisted his hips to watch the masses of cloth move against his legs. “Perfect. Thank you, Jeonginnie.”

Jeongin nudged Hyunjin’s shin with the toe of his sneaker, eyes flitting to the blacktop. “I didn’t get the chance to tell you this earlier, but... I think you wearing this is really, uhm, brave. And courageous too. I think a lot of people envy your strength to just, come out here and be yourself. You should be proud of that, even if it didn’t go the way you initially planned.”

Hyunjin hummed, a bit shocked as he soon let his hips sway to a halt. “Thank you, but... I really wouldn’t have felt comfortable if I wasn’t meeting you. I know I didn’t tell you or anything- That I was gonna wear this... But I knew you wouldn’t judge me.”

_I knew you wouldn’t judge me. You love me too much to let my faulty driving change that!_

Jeongin bit back a smile at the figment, a piece of a memory he craved to revisit. He offhandedly wondered if their skills ever improved, or if the memory was recent enough that they still sucked. He liked to think about those useless things, the facts about his soulmate that didn’t really matter, but just made them... Them. _Oh_. How… familiar.

“Of course,” Jeongin forced out, shaking himself from his stupor. “I’d never let something so trivial deter our friendship. It won’t change how I feel towards you. And... Felix kinda aired out the fact I wear them too. I’m not nearly as strong as you to wear them out in public though.”

“One day, we’ll both go out wearing them together!” Hyunjin shot him a toothy grin, eyes disappearing into thin crescents. “And I’m glad. I really love being your friend.”

“And I really love being yours, Hyunnie.”

* * *

If you asked Jeongin who his soulmate was, he wouldn’t have an answer for you. Well, he would, but it wouldn’t be an identity or something as certain as a name. It was simply someone he adored. Someone he was devoted to, who he would go to the ends of the earth to find. But their name? Their face? It wasn’t whole yet.

When he dreamed now, when he had the flashes of memories from universes long ago, their features became clearer. It was still blurred; misty and faded like an old photograph. But he could make out the way their eyes sparkled in the moonlight, the way their skin felt like fine silk against his own. The pieces were coming together, stitching themselves back in their rightful place. He could see the way their teeth were crooked, and the scar on their collarbone from an accident in their youth. He discovered all these minuscule things, the minute details of his beloved. Familiar yet unfamiliar. But who were they?

He had an inclination about who they were, or perhaps it was something as dim as a hope. It all started to become clearer when Hyunjin had entered his life. When he’d seen the figure of a man beneath a shoddy streetlight, staring at a firefly flicker about the night. He had felt a pull towards him, something keenly unnatural luring him into Hyunjin’s world. He felt like he’d uncovered something extraordinary. The way they spoke, the way they jeered, smiled, and laughed... It was like they’d known each other for a millennia. It made him wonder: Had he been the one he was searching for? The one he’s lost many a time, had watched suffer from a world unknown?

It was a hope. A fleeting desire. A desperate fantasy.

_Can I tell you a secret?_

_We’ve met before._

* * *

“Jeonginnie~ Come over?” Hyunjin hung off Jeongin’s arm, puffy cheek squished against his shoulder as he forced Jeongin to bear the brunt of his weight. “Please? Let’s have a sleepover!”

Jeongin let out a soft giggle as Hyunjin jut his bottom lip out, pouty and adorable. “Mm, I‘ll think about it.”

Hyunjin scrunched his nose, brows canted in annoyance. He slid his hand down Jeongin’s forearm to link their hands. His fingertips grazed his palm, hesitation pumping down his wrists. He was gentle as he loosely gripped Jeongin’s fingers. Jeongin’s lips curled in a fond smile, hooking his own around Hyunjin’s palm.

“Please?” Hyunjin looked up at him, eyes round and doey as he begged. They swam with something akin to neediness, longing for... For Jeongin, perhaps. “You can’t keep saying you don’t trust me, we’ve been friends for, like, 2 months now.”

_Why can’t you just trust me?! What did I do to make you hate me so much, Jeongin!_

Jeongin’s gaze softened, slowing their stroll to a stop. He felt the pressure, the warmth of tears pushing against his ducts. He suddenly gasped, cupping his mouth with his free hand to keep back the oncoming hics. “Hyunjin, I- I was just teasing you...” He mumbled, words heavy on his tongue. He didn’t- He didn’t understand what he did to his soulmate, but he wanted to. He craved the answers like a moth craves the glimmer of a shock trap. “I’ll stay over. I just, just gotta stop at my apartment to pick up some clothes and stuff.”

Hyunjin rapidly shook his head, graceful features crinkled in concern as he immediately dropped Jeongin’s hand. “No, I- Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” He raised his hands to find purchase on Jeongin’s shoulders, thumbs rubbing soothing circles into the flesh. “Jeongie, you don’t have to. I was out of line.”

Jeongin shrugged. If he couldn’t make his soulmate happy then, could he make them happy now? He stepped forward to press his chest against Hyunjin’s. His head fell to Hyunjin’s shoulder, eyes catching the fine line of... A scar on his collarbone. He lifted a hand to trace the outline, goosebumps raising below deft fingertips. “I want to. Wanna stay with you tonight.” He nuzzled against Hyunjin’s delicate collarbone, “Let me stay...”

Hyunjin looped his arms around Jeongin’s midsection, holding him flush to his own. “I’ll always let you stay, dummy. As long as you want to.”

* * *

Blue lips. Cold skin. Shattered hearts and broken bones. Pill bottles. Razor blades. Skyscrapers that kissed the uncaring clouds. Spiritless bodies hanging from coils of rope.

_-unjin! Hyunjin! Don’t do it, please!_

Cocked guns and bustling city streets. Blood stains and seizing limbs. Overflowing bathtubs, waterlogged tiles. Lonely souls and deaf ears.

_Please, baby, listen! Why can’t you hear me?! Don’t do this!_

Starlight tears and undue goodbyes. A voice unheard by its love. He watches as God fails.

Lightning strikes the tree two times.

Jeongin jolts awake, steaming tears creating hot paths down his face. He is alive. He is heard.

His chest rises and falls, ebbs and flows like the ocean during a hurricane. He can barely breathe. Skin prickled and heart bleeding for-

Hyunjin.

He kicks off the quilt, attempting to dash off the couch. He falls to his knees, legs weak like a rusty bridge. He lets out a choked sob, a silent plea. He needs his Hyunjin. His soulmate. His love he vows he will not lose.

“Jeongin?” Hyunjin’s groggy voice croaks, a sliver of his face shone through the crack of his bedroom door. He lazily scrubbed at his eyes, exiting his room with wobbly steps. His hair was messy, knotted and tangled like a birds nest. “I heard a bang, are you okay?”

Jeongin’s head snapped up to his voice, their eyes locking as crystalline teardrops puddled on the hardwood. It was deafening, the pitter of the sorrow leaking from his tear ducts. Hyunjin moved first, cautious footfalls echoing along the walls. He approached Jeongin with care, kneeling once he was close enough. He cupped his cheeks, carefully thumbing away his sadness with gentle touches.

Jeongin keened into his palms, melting into the tender embrace. “You’re safe.” A sigh of relief passed his lips, “You- You’re safe.”

Hyunjin hummed, scooting closer to collect Jeongin’s quivering frame in his arms. Jeongin felt feeble, far too fragile and... Undeserving of this. “Of course I’m safe. Nothing is going to hurt me.”

Nothing but yourself, Jeongin corrected. He had watched, over and over, as Hyunjin ended his life. From cruel and despicable, to painless and merciful. From a gun shot to an overdose. He watched. He was forced to watch. No matter how he yelled, how he screamed his throat raw in this... This memory? This nightmare? Whatever it was, Hyunjin couldn’t hear him. Maybe he refused to listen.

He was there, in the room or drifting above him. He was there, but he... He wasn’t. It was like he was trapped in limbo. Held captive by a world to watch his love suffer. To watch him ruin himself, mind and body alike.

“Hyunjin...” Jeongin used the final bout of his strength to lift his head off Hyunjin’s shoulder. He grasped at Hyunjin’s cheek, blunt nails digging into the pillowy skin. He shivered, “Promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“Don’t leave, even if I’m gone.”

* * *

Jeongin believed Hyunjin might know now. He could say it with conviction, actually. How does he know, you may wonder. Well, Hyunjin has been avoiding him. Dodging his calls and texts, going as far as refusing to answer his door when he rung the bell.

Was he upset? Betrayed? Vexed, even? He understood if he was. But how was he supposed to broach the subject without sounding unhinged? Sounding like he was some love crazed fanatic?

Jeongin’s memories have become more vivid now. He could see his soulmate for who they are. He was Hyunjin Hwang, without a doubt. Something else has revealed itself as well. Perhaps it was how they wound up in this mess of retellings, stories unfolding over and over.

He finally recalled their first life, their first universe. All their universes, they were different than the last. Each had a change, whether subtle or austere. Maybe Jeongin would have a lisp in one, then be blind in the next. Maybe he had asthma, maybe he could run miles without stopping for a breath. Maybe he was harmed by ones who were supposed to protect him, maybe he was spoiled rotten with a silver spoon in his maw. It changed, evolved even. But his first, it stuck out like a sore thumb. It had that tree, a gnarled, ugly thing. That tree... That monster haunted him.

Hyunjin was ill in their first reality, his own body eating itself away. Whittling itself down to skin and bone. Jeongin had made two wishes by that tree, unbeknownst of its power. It’s evil. His first wish was a simple one, one any young couple would make amidst their passion. He wished to be with Hyunjin forever, giving the man a kiss after saying so. That. That was how this began.

But furthermore, his second wish... Its what ruined them. Hyunjin had always been sickly, expecting an untimely death from a young age. Jeongin wasn’t ready to let him die so easily. So, he coveted another. He wished for Hyunjin to live. For him to feel no pain, no anguish. And to take it for himself. Lightning had struck twice in the distance, the bright flashes seen through the flimsy blinds of Hyunjin’s bleak hospital room. But no rumbles of thunder fell upon their ears.

Jeongin had passed a week later, a drunk driver taking his life and speeding off into the distance like he’d so much as run over roadkill. That’s all Jeongin was left to be, roadkill on the side of the street. The driver left him there, mangled bones and hoarse breaths leaving his blood tinged tongue. He deserved it, he had thought then. He was greedy, begging for a solution to a problem that was already solved. He passed beneath the same stars his Hyunjin gazed on that night. Hyunjin ended his own life three days later, despite his miracle recovery beginning mere hours after Jeongin’s demise.

Jeongin knew that it’s been this way for a long time. He is killed, shoved down a flight of stairs by a spiteful colleague. Or he perishes of a sickness, lungs decayed as his body relishes in the pumping of morphine in his veins. And Hyunjin takes his own life soon after. It is their cycle. Their fate. Their destiny and design.

* * *

_new message from: hyunjin_

meet me at the parking lot

“How long?” Hyunjin choked, red rimmed eyelids Jeongin’s first greeting in days. His tone lilted with accusation, as if he believed Jeongin hid it to spite him. “How long have you known?”

Jeongin hadn’t even finished his walk to the curb. He stalled, staring at Hyunjin’s trembling figure where it sat. He was hunched over, head tilted to face Jeongin. Hyunjin was hurt, he- Did he think Jeongin didn’t want to remember? Didn’t want to be with him? That he- He didn’t want to love him anymore?

“I wasn’t sure it was you till recently.”

Hyunjin’s bottom lip wavered, “And you...” His voice tapered off, a mere whisper among the chill of the night. “You didn’t tell me?”

Jeongin sighed, approaching Hyunjin fully and settling himself down on the curb beside him. “To be fair, you didn’t tell me either.”

Hyunjin guffawed, “Because you-“

“Would think you were crazy if you were wrong?” Jeongin finished with a cant of his brow. He exhaled, dejected and frustrated. “I wasn’t sure if this- This was all even real, Hyunjin. I thought maybe, maybe it was just some delusion I’d gotten too caught up in. That I was projecting my desire for a soulmate onto you; the pretty boy I was lucky enough to meet one night.”

Hyunjin slid closer to Jeongin, closing the distance between their bodies so their arms brushed just right. “I- I’m the lucky one, though,” He began, “I’ve always been the one lucky enough to be with someone like you. Someone... Someone so kind and unconditionally adoring. Who lured me into your life and sculpted a place just for me, no matter our time.” Hyunjin nudged Jeongin’s shoulder with his own, “I don’t- I don’t know how much you remember, but I’ve never stopped loving you. I’ve always been able to remember everything, so I’ve never... Never fallen out of love with you. Right now... My heart is still going crazy, just for you,” He laughed breathily, a hint of shyness in his tone. “And it’s okay, if you don’t- Don’t reciprocate. I’m used to it.”

Jeongin chewed on his lip, guilt overcoming him as he sunk his teeth into the flesh. “You must have been so lonely, Hyunjin. Every reality we were together... You had to wait for me. You had to wait for me to love you back, to feel- Feel comfortable enough to call you a friend before I even thought about you as a lover.” Jeongin’s eyes were downcast, the rims of his waterline pooling with tears as he stared at the ground. “I’m so sorry. You- You must have been hurting and I-“

Hyunjin whimpered, a puny noise from the dwells of his throat. He used a finger to angle Jeongin’s head towards him, then gently cupped his chin. His features were knit in worry. “You didn’t know. You didn’t... You didn’t remember, did you?”

Jeongin shook his head, a quiet sniffle emitting from his nose. “This is the first I’ve remembered anything. Even now it’s- it’s bits and pieces. I- I couldn’t even recall what you looked like till recently. Just figments of your body and face, not everything at once. It’s the same with my memories of our past.”

Hyunjin hummed in understanding, massaging Jeongin’s jawline with the pad of his thumb. “Am I as attractive as you hoped I’d be?” He tried to tease, but the quiver in his voice held a smidge of truth. A smidge of something more.

Jeongin rested one of his hands on Hyunjin’s thigh, comfortingly kneading the mound of skin. “You’re better than anything my stupid head could have concocted, baby.”

Hyunjin swallowed thickly, stare lingering on Jeongin’s lips. He darted his tongue out to glide across his bottom lip, basking in the way it made Hyunjin’s cheeks dust pink.

“Can I kiss you?” Hyunjin breathed.

Jeongin purred, a deep rattle in his throat as he leant forward. He ghosted his lips against Hyunjin’s, barely a brushing of skin. Eyes half lidded and voice a tender whisper, he spoke into Hyunjin’s mouth. “You don’t need to ask. I’m yours.”

Hyunjin instantly melded their lips together, several lifetimes of desire pressing into Jeongin’s lips. He breathed Jeongin, desperate to have him. He clutched as his cheeks, nails digging into the fragile skin of his face. Jeongin’s hands rested on Hyunjin’s hips, keeping the latter in place as he frantically attempted to slot himself atop Jeongin’s lap.

Jeongin parted first, dodging Hyunjin’s needy kisses as he chased after his lips. “Hyunnie, calm down, baby,” He soothed, “This moment is ours, no one is going to take it from us.”

Hyunjin shivered, rapid pants falling from his kiss bruised lips. “You can’t be sure what they have in store for us, Jeongie.”

Jeongin sighed, finally releasing Hyunjin’s hips and letting him collapse into his chest. Hyunjin clung to Jeongin’s hoodie, cheek smooshed against his sternum. “You’re right. But right now, right now it’s all us.” He flattened Hyunjin’s hair with one hand, the other cradling the small of his back. “You don’t have to wait for me anymore. I already love you, and nothing will steal that away.”

Thunder roared in the distance, a howl of challenge from the winds. Hyunjin curled into Jeongin, eyes clamping shut as he shuddered from the chill.

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

* * *

Pale skin. Sunken eyes. Sullen cheeks and blood stained teeth. Willowed limbs and hoarse breaths.

_Are you giving up on me too?_

Clipboards hung from hospital beds. Dreadful coughs spotting red. Lonely days in stark clinics. Useless pills and needles pushed into frail veins.

_Will you hold my hand when I go?_

Tasteless food. Peeling skin. Ribs poking through torn flesh. Forced smiles and false hope.

_Why did you leave without me, Jeongin?_

Jeongin blinked, eyes bleary and vision swimming.

“Hey... Hey, why are you crying?” Hyunjin’s gruff voice rang in his ears, throat riddled with sleep and mucus. His fluffy mop of hair bobbed into Jeongin’s peripheral. “Jeongie?” He slid a hand upon Jeongin’s cheek, massaging the apple of his cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. “Was it... Was it a memory? A bad one?”

He nodded, jerky and robotic. His tongue felt dry, deserted of all moisture. He felt another hand hover above his pec, Hyunjin cautiously leaning down to press his chapped lips to his collarbone. It made him sputter, goosebumps raising along his flesh. Hyunjin lingered there, breath hot against Jeongin’s bare skin.

“Wanna talk about it?” He mumbled into his jugular, pecking the thick vein with sweet kisses. It made Jeongin’s heart shudder, the honeysuckle buds unfurling.

Jeongin gulped, looping an arm around Hyunjin’s frame. He felt Hyunjin grin into his skin. “No. Not yet.”

Hyunjin trilled, nestling into the comfortable junction of Jeongin’s neck. The frizzy strands of his hair tickled Jeongin’s jawline. “Whatever it was, it’s in the past, baby. We’re here now, together right now.”

But for how long, Jeongin asked himself. Something was coming. He could feel it, the unease sunk in the pores of his marrow. Something was near, storms were approaching. 

They would not be merciful.

* * *

Would it be odd to say he almost expected it when he saw it? When Hyunjin came out of the bathroom, hand held in front of him and coated in a horrific sheen of blood and vomit. The wild in Hyunjin’s eyes, the fear in his irises. The trail of it from the corner of his spit covered lips.

He’d driven Hyunjin to the hospital, Hyunjin himself in hysterics as he coughed up coppery liquid all over his clothes and body. Jeongin gripped his steering wheel so tight he heard cracks in the mechanics, his knuckles bright white.

That had been 5 days ago. 5 days of torment. Of replaying the scenes like a movie reel. He could barely stomach it, the sight of Hyunjin so... Hollow. He was a shell, a wisp of what he used to be. But he still smiled at Jeongin whenever he entered his private room. Still begged the nursing staff for _‘five more minutes, I swear!’_ of visiting time. Still pouted his lips for a kiss goodbye.

Today, however, was different. It was... difficult, for them both. Hyunjin hadn’t woken at his usual time, the nurses and doctors surprised, yet unperturbed by his sudden increase in slumber. Then, he refused his meals. Couldn’t even look at his tray without dry heaving masses of bloody bile onto the food. The doctors told Jeongin as such, before handing him a new tray and politely asking him if he could convince him to eat, else they’ll have to hook him up to more nuisance nutrient bags.

“Please, babydoll, just one bite for me?” Jeongin pleaded, brows furrowed in exasperation. He held the spoon against Hyunjin’s lips, tapping the crackled and scabbed skin with the plastic. “Please, Hyunjin, I’m begging you...”

Hyunjin whined in discontent, eyes weakly fluttering open before he hesitantly parted his lips. Jeongin pushed them apart slightly with the spoon, slipping it into his mouth. He relished in his relief as Hyunjin swallowed his first spoonful of applesauce without gagging.

Jeongin abruptly dropped the spoon with a clatter, angling across the bed to peck Hyunjin’s cheek. “Thank you, Hyunjinnie. I’m so proud of you.”

Hyunjin let out a moan, face crinkled in discomfort for a moment. He then canted his head towards Jeongin, temple bumping his chin. Jeongin cradled his head as best he could, going as far as to rise from his seat so he could embrace him. He pressed featherlight kisses to his scalp, hands kneading gentle circles into his sickly skin.

“It hurts... It hurts so much...” Hyunjin whispered.

Jeongin’s breath hitched, eyes shining as he nuzzled into Hyunjin’s hair. The oily strands smelled nauseating, reeking of hospital pillow cases and puke. He expected no less.

Jeongin was not going to claim he wasn’t privy to the fact this would not be a fairytale. That the doctors would whisk Hyunjin away and make him all better in no time at all. No, this was no fairytale. This was no happy ending fit for some cliche storybook. This was pain. This was raw emotion and ache. And it wasn’t fucking fair.

* * *

Jeongin received the call at 3:42 in the morning. Clouds hung heavy in the night sky and the ground damp from the drizzle of rainfall. There were no stars to wish him good morning. Hyunjin had seized up in the night, and now was entirely unresponsive. His brain activity was still showing signs of normalcy, showing he at least was capable of function. But his body... He was, in the lamest of terms, in a coma.

Jeongin had arrived at the hospital at 3:57 AM. He was granted access to Hyunjin’s room undisturbed due to the unforeseen event of his comatose state. He stayed there for days on end, blankly staring at the eggshell white walls of that wretched room.

Jeongin did not think. He did not move from his spot beside Hyunjin’s bed. He did not see. He did not hear. He did not exist outside of this bubble, and this bubble did not exist outside of him.

He did not know what to do. Did not want to know his options of what he could do. The doctor had said something to him at some point, in a faraway voice Jeongin could barely latch onto. A voice that warbled in the air, shapes and patterns formed from his apathetic words. He said Jeongin did not possess the right to decide if Hyunjin should stay like this, in this fragile and feeble state, or... Have his plug pulled. The doctor did not recommend the latter, as it was too soon to tell if he had any chance of waking. The doctor then gave him an empty apology. A useless and pathetic thing that made Jeongin’s teeth grit and his lips curl in a sneer.

Jeongin had no choices. No path. No direction. He was completely and utterly lost. Adrift in a sea of waiting, waiting, waiting. But Jeongin did not like to wait. He was a creature of impatience. A creature of habit. 

So, he did what he did best.

He made a wish.

Jeongin gripped Hyunjin’s fingers, warm digits enveloped by his own. He held them to his lips, mouthing his lonely prayer into the very skin he saw decay before his eyes. The skin he loved for so long it was etched into his being, into the longing of his soul.

“Please, let him live. Let him wake up. Please, fuck, let us spend this life together, this one final reality with each other. Haven’t we suffered enough? Haven’t we been through enough? I-“ He hiccuped, head falling onto the bony mass of Hyunjin’s hip. He held fast to his hand, squeezing it with all his might. His body wracked with sobs. His tears, jewels gleaming in the fluorescents, sunk into the itchy fabric of the hospital blanket. He weeped for Hyunjin, desperate and hopeless. He weeped for himself, selfish and pleading. And he weeped for them, together yet always torn apart. “Please... Let us have this one...”

Lightning struck a tree miles away, two strikes harrowing its branches. Rain fizzled the smoke, waterlogged the burning bark. The leaves were singed, yet only on their crisp edges. The air smelled of something new.

Jeongin felt a light pressure in his hand, a grasping of his fingers. Hyunjin… Hyunjin was grasping his fingers! He snapped his head up towards him, feverishly approaching his face. Jeongin’s free hand found purchase on his hollowed cheek, shaky and urgent. He sniveled, ugly sobs still pooling from his lips. “Hyunnie? Hyunnie, baby?”

Hyunjin’s body began to convulse with coughs, his eyes suddenly open and hands flying to the plastic tubes shoved down his throat. Jeongin called for the doctors, them rushing in and swooping Jeongin from the room.

Later, after vital checks and health tests, they allowed Jeongin to finally, _finally_ see Hyunjin. He dashed into the room, nearly bumping into the nurse pushing the vital screening machine. He muttered an apology before fully entering the room. Hyunjin had some color to him again, albeit not much. Still, he wasn’t a haunting white or willowed green anymore.

Hyunjin groaned in his bed, fidgeting with unkempt energy. His eyes then fell upon Jeongin. “Jeongin?” He croaked, voice throaty and rough from the earlier tubes.

Jeongin sniffled, pawing at the wetness of his cheeks. He stood at the foot of his bed, quiet pules eliciting soft whimpers from his mouth. “Hi, baby,” He finally managed.

Hyunjin reached out a hand, beckoning him to his side. Jeongin quickly skittered over to him, pulling up his chair from before. Hyunjin clutched at his hand, a content smile playing on his lips. “Hi, lovely. I missed you.”

Jeongin choked out an abrupt sob, upper body collapsing into Hyunjin’s blanketed lap. Hyunjin cooed, combing his fingers through his matted hair with his unoccupied hand. He scratched idly at his scalp, soft finger pads amidst the dirty mass.

“I missed you so fucking much!” Jeongin cried, snotty and salty. “I- I love you. I love you more than- than anything in the whole world.”

Hyunjin chuckled, body rattling with the pleasant sound. “I love you too, Jeongin. To the ends of the earth.”

_You are the love of my life._

_And you are mine._

* * *

Beaming grins. Adoring gazes among half lidded eyes. Lazy mornings and moving boxes. Shared closets and stealing clothes. Promise rings dipped in silver. Kisses doused in fond devotion. Lovers entangled in velvet sheets. Hands cascading across high cheekbones, lips sealed in words unsaid.

_Would you ever wanna marry me one day?_

A dog curled in the corner of a queen sized bed. Honeysuckle blossoms blooming outside the window. Hushed laughter milling about the sunlit walls.

_I’ve spent more lifetimes with you than we can count on both our hands._

Quiet whispers. Domestic days. Morning dew dripping down blades of grass. Healthy bodies and hands entwined.

_Is that a yes?_

Bashful glances. Sheepish smiles. Hands playfully battering chests.

_Of course it’s a yes, you stupid fool._

**Author's Note:**

> HIIIIII i hope u guys liked this cause it’s literally the only reason i’ve kept sane in the past week. pls pls lmk wht u guys thought cause i worked so hard on it and spent an entire week writing it because i’m mentally ill. this is a joke but also 100% serious cause i almost had a breakdown during a depressive episode while writing this :)  
> anyways i’m super proud of this and it’s the longest thing i’ve ever written (excluding multi chaptered fics) so !!!!! hell yeah !!!!!  
> pls pls pls leave kudos and comments !!!!! i’d rly appreciate it :( thank u sm fr reading and i hope u all have a good week !!!!!!


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